


Coffee? Never again.

by Random__Fangirl



Series: Your average teenage spider [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Sam Wilson, Coffee, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kid Peter Parker, Peter Parker Joins the Avengers, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter loves coffee, Peter-centric, Post-Avengers Shawarma Scene, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Tony Stark, Sassy Peter, Steve Rogers Cooks, Tony Being Tony, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, the avengers love peter, usually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random__Fangirl/pseuds/Random__Fangirl
Summary: The avengers had one simple rule that they would never ever break. All the Avengers followed this rule in fear of an incident like it to happen again. What is this rule? you ask... This rule is that no one is to ever give Peter Benjamin Parker any type of coffee, ever. But why?_____________or_______________When peter loves coffee a little too much and the team has to suffer.PURE CRACK and CRAZINESS





	Coffee? Never again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is in a verse where peter lives at the tower with the team and there was no civil war.

The avengers had one simple rule that they would never ever break. All the Avengers followed this rule in fear of an incident like it to happen again. Tony had even taken the time to print it out and post it on to the fridge.... Clint himself had ingraved it into the side of his bed as a constant reminder.... and Natasha would remind anyone if they even came close to breaking it....

What is this rule? you ask... Well I'll tell you... the one rule is that no one should never ever give peter, the resident spider-teenager coffee. 

...................................

It all started one simple Friday. It was a quiet day nothing really interesting was going on, unless of course you count the annual Blueberry Festival interesting...

The avengers had all gotten back from the lunch at the local shawarma place (which honestly none of them Tony liked,everyone was just too kind too say so). 

Everyone was planning to have late night tonight because Peter, Tony and Bruce we're all going down to the lab and honestly no one trusted them enough to sleep (there would probably be a very unfortunate explosion and several bad injuries). So, naturally everyone walked in the kitchen and Steve made a big boiling pot of coffee.

They had sat down to drink the coffee. Clint commenting about how good it was And Thor showing he was pleased by having already sucked down about 6 cups....

It was at this very time when Tony had said those six evil words that every avenger remembers to this day. "Hey Pete, you want some coffee?"

Peter had simply Shrugged and said "yeah sure, why not." The problem was that Peter had never had coffee before and did not know what it would do to him.

Steve knowing of Pete's fast metabolism gave him the same one as Thor and himself (this was a special kind that they have invented that had enough caffeine that would either kill a human or put them in a state of hyperactivity that would last for days on end)..... This In the end would be the biggest mistake of his life.

Peter had consumed about 7 cups (which was alot more than Thor) and let's just say he was a little past just being hyper.....

After downed the cup he climbed the wall with almost superhuman speed and before anyone could stop him he had then raced off to another place in the tower.

The people left in the room had a quick discussion and decided to split up for a better chance of finding him.

The only people who didn't participate where Thor, loki, and Bruce..... Because Thor and loki had some how fell asleep despite the Mass amounts of coffee they had drank, and Bruce had sat out for the obvious reason of avoiding setting lose his alter ego.

.....................................................

The first people to find him where Wanda and vision... Let's just say they didn't last long....

When they had found peter They were both frantically trying to rid the kitchen from every drop of coffee in it.... 

This was when Peter had come speeding in, knocking Wanda off her feet and into a shelf, rendering her unconscious immediately.... 

vision was soon to follow, being knocked unconscious during Peters fit of anger after he insisted that Peter couldn't have any more coffee. Peter didn't exactly like that idea. Well, in the end who was to blame him.

.....................................................

Next to find him was Natasha and Steve....

They found him sitting on oddly calm on the roof of the hallway that led to the kitchen....He was sitting cross-legged and below him sat a few packages of coffee but, Worst of all the packs had been opened... he had found more coffee..

Next thing they knew peter was standing on the roof and breathing out rapidly paced sentences, his head turned to stare at the two avengers."Hey guys. H-how's it going. My day is going great. I mean, I can live with you guys and then drink coffee and I ate food and I'm happy. So you guys probably don't want to hear about that so what did you do today."

"We're doing good Peter, but why don't you come down from the ceiling and... talk to us from there"

"Sorry no can do, Stevie boy got to go" with that Peter was gone again, speeding off to who knows where....

While Steve just stood there and looked offended at being called Stevie boy, Natasha had made a move move to grab him but the coffee had somehow enhanced his speed and she was too slow. 

Steve changed his look of offense to one of shock. "he managed to dodge you" he said in awe.

Changing the subject from her faults, she said "well we should go find the others. See if they got him" and they both left defeated with frowns on their face.

.............................................

Soon Bucky and Clint had found him in the training room three stories down. He was rapidly punching a larte red punching bag...

Before peter even saw them Clint had moved closer to the kid and said "hey kid, you good". 

Peter's head snapped to them. He stopped destroying the bag and ran up the wall to the ceiling at super human speed (well, more so than usual) and then began to pace, Bucky's head looking back and forth trying to keep eyes on the teenager... He was talking fast...almost too fast. The only words they could understand were "stark, Awesome, Coffee, Boom, Face, and lab." 

Really no one knew what he was talking about but, Clint and Bucky we're smiling and nodding their heads anyway, hoping to make him stop and come down. But, Their acknowledgement only seemed to make peter talk faster and before they could even blink he ran off the ceiling and he was gone again.... 

...................................................

The last people left were Tony and Sam.... At this point they were The Avengers only hope.... They alone could stop a hyperactive, coffee High Peter from destroying the tower....

And what were they doing? They were sitting on the couch watching the security cams and laughing.... To say the least They were doomed!

"Omg, Stevie boy. That is pure gold right there."

"I know right, tin-can. can you believe he actually managed to dodge Natasha. She'll be so pissed tomorrow. I know exactly who to stay away from. I just worry for the kid"

"Relax bird-brain, she has a soft spot for peter. And even if she tried to hurt him I would never let her touch my kid."

"Duuuuude"

"What"

"You just called him your kid. Do you really feel like that about him?"

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

Sam opened his mouth to answer but before he could a familiar fast paced voice sounded from above him making him jump "talking about me?"

Sam wide-eyed said "W-what? noooooo" at the same time Tony replied with "of course not"

"Oh ok. Then I gotta go. Nothing interesting here." With that Peter jumped down and raced off.... Into a wall. Groaning with pain he mumbled to himself "actually maybe I'll say" and with that he passed out.

Tony turned to Sam. "Well, that was weird"

"Exactly what I was thinking, tin can. Exactly what I was thinking."

...............................................

Soon they had Peter locked into a room with bullet proof windows and enough food and water to last him five days at least (they were taking no chances).

The team was all thinking the same thing at the time... 

They were thinking it so much that none had objected when Clint had thrown the coffee supply into a pile, lit a match and then burned it... 

No one even passed a glance as Natasha stood nearby The inferno cackling "burn. Burn and don't ever come back" the fire lighting up her eyes.... 

No one even cared when Tony said he was never buying that foul substance again. All they did was nod in agreement. To say the least it was odd, very, very odd.

The avengers now sat scilent in the lounge as they watched peter run laps across and around the room in the security cameras. 

Thor and Loki layed on the back couch still passed out from exhaustion, while Wanda and vision where still unconscious in the kitchen (no one had bothered to move them. They had other things to worry about). Steve broke the scilence first by saying."Well, what do we do know"

Tony and Nat sigh, their shoulders slumping "we clean"

The next few days are why this rule still stands. Because let me tell you no one likes having to stay up two long, boring nights straight scrubbing the Ceiling clean from hundreds and hundreds of dirty little footprints.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you liked it!  
> This work is part of my collection of weird, marvel, crack fics that I have written. So if you liked this one feel free to check out the rest
> 
> And also if anyone has a request for a crack one shot that they just want to read, I am open to all request as long as you know that they will be completed it the order that inspires me.


End file.
